


writing on the walls

by deathofglitter



Category: Black Mirror, Black Mirror: Bandersnatch
Genre: M/M, bandersnatch didn’t give us the gay option!, so I wrote it.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 21:20:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17211173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathofglitter/pseuds/deathofglitter
Summary: Colin has know Stefan in a thousand different branches, a million different timelines as distinct or indistinct as the patterns of stars in the sky.He wasn’t expecting this path.





	writing on the walls

**Author's Note:**

> bandersnatch was a fun and amazing game/film/horror trip and i really wish we had had the chance to get to see and know more about colin as a character. i also wish we could’ve been thrown a gay little bone here and had those two smooch in that scene at the balcony. you know the one.

Colin Ritman smiled at the sprite rocketing through the black, pixelated backdrop. A misplaced soundtrack behind the falling figure, the music was almost akin to a scream that wasn’t yet coming out of the sprite’s nonexistent mouth, budding, but never delivering

 _Nohzdyve,_  the name flickered continuously through Stefan’s mind. Technicolor buildings seemed to stretch up the screen for eternity, before looping back into another color, and another, blobs of in distinct projectiles skirted upwards. The sprite moved seamlessly into them, producing a pleasant little _pop_ noise that only made it hurtle down faster. For a second, Stefan was _confused_ by how _creepy and weird and wrong and bleak and sudden and abrupt and tragic_ the game’s concept as a whole seemed, could imagine the local newscasters saying those exact words-

_a quick thought flashes through his mind, but more like a glimpse through a mirror to some other mirror to another mirror to Stefan, locked in a nosedive, tragic, weird, creepy, wrong, abrupt, sudden, the newscaster labeled the gruesome ending. Stefan’s consciousness floated_ _upwards_

Stefan knew that Colin was a genius. A million times the programmer he dreamt of being. Colin still absentmindedly controlled the sprite hurtling to certain death, before moving slightly to the right, ending its virtual life as if it was something he had become accustomed to many times over. The screen turned a sudden white, with a screech and only the words **PARAMETER ERROR** against the blank screen.

”Oh, bollocks.” Colin scoffed at the computer.

”What happened?” Stefan peered over Colin’s shoulder tentatively, trying to ignore the jolt of butterflies steady in his stomach in the presence of his _idol._

“Buffering error, eyeballs overwhelmed the video memory for a second.” A small flame flickered at the end of Colin’s joint. Tucker scoffed, before reiterating the fact that Stefan still had to demo for them.

Stefan gulped. The  _METL HEDD_ posters behind him seemed to loom over his shoulder. Colin’s slumped-over position in the office chair did not mask the  _intrigue_ flaming behind his eyes.

 

*****

Colin stared back at Stefan, worried and shrinking back from further discussing with his father the reasons to further speak with his psychiatrist. Stared back because he knew, that even in this branch of a million different timelines, Stefan would be right here, right now, in this moment, in this lifetime, and might be interested enough to tag along long enough for Colin to open his mind.

He wasn’t surprised, of course, to see Stefan move away from his father after a double-take. The boy was _cute_ , innocent, almost laughably so. From the second Colin was faced with Stefan’s dismay at his choice to worship Pax (which had not even been programmed into his game, he might add), he realized the full extent of Stefan’s _obliviousness._ The expression on his face was _adorable_ in how confused it was, Colin wanted to dig his fingers in his face and in his brain and uncoil the mushy bits enough to see eyes above them all. 

Colin also wasn’t surprised to hear that Colin was struggling with _Bandersnatch,_ he’d already made the right choice in not accepting Tucker’s offer. He wasn’t surprised, even giddy, almost, to know that Stefan didn’t have anywhere to be later. In a fight with his own mind and all Colin was interested in doing was grabbed those balled-up fists and unraveling them to the potential of the branches they could touch. 

Maybe it was because Stefan wasn’t just intriguing, he was _fascinating._ Colin had known him in a hundred thousand different scenarios, and he still remained the single staying factor in every tendril of the multiverse he happened to open his eyes within. There’s a certain kind of fascination in knowing someone in infinite lifetimes. There’s another kind of fascination to deducing that they’re the closest link to proving you’re right. 

*****

In this lifetime, Colin had Kitty, and he had Pearl. A fairly interesting experiment considering every other branch he’d known, but no more permanent than the rest of them. 

Except for Stephen. Who refused the little tablet with enough hesitation to tell Colin that he was still being controlled by what couldn’t be comprehended. Colin slipped it into his drink without a second thought. 

*****

Stefan felt _it_ inhibiting his system.

The lights seemed to fade around Colin, and he laughed, and Stefan laughed back, and sparks flew out his mouth and buzzing between his teeth. Saw sparks to hearts and stars that faded as quick as they came coming from Colin’s blue gaze, and he laughed harder as he stood up. 

Colin stood up, walking towards him with his ever-uninhibited stride of knowingness. Put his hands on his shoulders, and just chuckled further, where Stefan felt the heat ride to his cheeks staring into the dilated eyes of his idol, his coworker, his _friend?_

 _”Stefan,”_ Colin giggled, almost as if he’d never said his name in that tone in this time and this lifetime ever in the history of ever. Undcertainty tensed his shoulders for the first time in the months that Stefan had known him, and he loosely swang Colin with him in a drunken chuckle. The lights had gone from dim overhead to a cascade of technicolor beauty, and when the two, interlocked in a sloppy waltz, hit the New Order poster on the wall, the flowers dissipated into a million different swirls, s million different branches.

 _”Time is a construct,_ ” Colin smiled. Stefan’s eyes widened.

*****

“There’s a cosmic flowchart that dictates where you can, and can’t go.”

The light overhead tinted turquoise. Colin swallowed hard and rushed towards Stefan, cupping his cheeks between his hands and drawing his face closer.

”I’ve given you the knowledge,” Colin paused, breathed in. “I’ve set you free.”

And he did. But not like the other times he’d done this. Not like the other lifetimes where one of the two (or both) ended up a bloody splat on a rooftop, _no, Stefan drew his hand up to caress his cheek, and then another, two eyes moving endlessly in swirls between each other as the memories of a thousand lifetimes spent together or ended on a whim came flowing back within them and the sparks at their fingertips._

“Do you understand?”

”Yes.”

_Sometimes Stefan stuttered before he said yes, but he understood this time and Colin felt the eyes of the universe gritting it’s infinite teeth as he toed closer to the cosmic limitations of where he could tread._

Colin drew his hands down from Stefan’s face, saw lingering violet trails from where he touched him. He opened the sliding door, nudged Stefan to the balcony, and gazed over. He opened his mouth, prepared to tell Stefan that either of them jumping  would result in no major consequences but for the lifetime they were currently experiencing. He knew this, he knew the nosedive, whether it was himself or with Stefan, and it no longer troubled him.

Because they were entangled in the cosmic flowchart together. Because whatever the pattern of fabric the universe was cut from, one of them began, and another one ended.

Stefan wrapped his arms around a Colin, tight as possible, bent him so close to falling over the edge of the balcony as he closed his lips around his. Colin couldn’t gasp in shock at the unexpected onslaught of the senses all of this made out to be, and kissed back, stared upwards and away from Stefan’s dirty brown hair and up at the stars. Pinpricks of light seemed to spiral about overhead and back to circle around him and Stefan. As Colin closed his eyes, he could almost hear _we’ve really done it this time! That’s a funny option, isn’t it? Maybe this’ll lead somewhere new! Maybe they’ll both live this time!_

And Colin pulled away, freed an arm to cup Stefan’s cheek once more in his hand, pupils dilated with lifetimes worth of unrealized affections finally come to fruition, and he knew that Stefan knew. He really knew the truth this time - that death was inconsequential, that the cosmic dictions can only allow you to tread so far. Colin savored this one - running his fingers through Stefan’s hair in the way he always dreamt of but never was quite aware of. The stars spun around them.

Before he took him over the edge, Colin buried his lips between Stefan’s, and their bodies fell limp, together, as of on command. This time, they both knew this. This time, they both knew the nosedive as they fell, two times the speed, down the high rise as the wind did not dare rip apart this lifetime, no matter the brevity. 

They landed with red. They landed with a thud.

*****

Stefan awoke with a gasp.

His father glancing, surprised, Stefan attempted to hide the inexplicable redness that had spread over his face and what forced him to pull his jacket over the zipper of his jeans. 

His dad made no comment, though. Pulled back up at his psychiatrist’s office, Stefan noted the fact that Colin was walking by. He looked back.

 

**Author's Note:**

> people who write black mirror fan fiction are so brave. now im gonna be sad these two will never be canonically resooooolved


End file.
